Thankful for trials...that get to the heart issues...

I read a post on a sweet gal's blog about a difficult time she's gone through, and it spurred me on to share my story as I'm sure I'm not along. My post is not intended to be judgemental, but rather these are my thoughts...my feelings...my opinions.....and my biggest hope is that it helps someone out there....find HOPE....knowing that if they are going through a similar situation..God can and will bring healing!!!

My journey started a few years ago with a dear friend of mine. We were the best of friends, or so I thought! We spend time together weekly, as 2 gals having a fun time, as well as our families getting together too. There wasn't anything we couldn't talk about; and in fact, my dh and I opened up and shared very private, details about our faith journey! In fact, this friend asked me to *speak into her life*...tell her the hard things....the things she didn't want to hear but needed too.

First you need to realize that I've NEVER been good at being a girl-friend!! I am a middle child raised with two brothers, and I am the only girl. I was raised with bugs, baseball, and rough-housing. I was the athletic one, so I spent a lot of time during my youth playing sports....as my Dad FINALLY had a basketball, and track person in the family. I was a gym rat.....I'd rather play a pick-up game of basketball with guys..than spend a day at the mall with the girls.

Now, don't get me wrong.....I am a girly-girl...I wear make-up and I'm NEVER without lipstick. I always have my nails done, as well as a pedicure. I'm fussy about things like, my shoe's ALWAYS matching what I wear, as well as my handbags.

Along my journey, I've discovered that mean girls grow up and become mean woman!! I DISLIKE catty girl stuff. GIRLS CAN BE DOWN RIGHT MEAN...which is why I tend to get along with men better. Now that I've digress........back to the story!!!

My friend and I talked on the phone, text messaged each other, went shopping, went for dinner.........we simply enjoyed each others company.

Then one day, that all changed abruptly, without any warning, without any real reason. I felt lost. I felt hurt. I felt rejected. Why would someone whom I thought was a valued, trusted friend, now avoid me?? Lie to me???? Exclude me from dinner parties???? Distance themselves from my family and now treat us unkind??? My head was spinned and my heart was reeling, and I felt dejected, and rejected.

(There are some details that I am NOT at liberty to share as I do not want to disclose certain details, and behaviors as I'm not certain who my entire audience is.)

I did confront my friend...and she lied to me....and I called her on it...and she was mortified!! Because I caught my friend in a lie and confronting her, she now avoided me for five months, at ALL cost. When I did try to email, she wanted to be the victim.....blaming me and others for why she lied...and why she was doing the things she was doing.

My heart was so troubled as I now saw this person reaching out to others. Others.....who I knew she didn't care for...people I knew she didn't like. In fact, this (so-called) friend of mine..had strong opinions about others....and they were never good. Why didn't I see the unfruitfulness of this friendship???? Why didn't I see that our friendships should be based on building up, edifying, encouragement!! (I do know that a true friend...a REAL true friend can be honest with us....and if we have a strong relationship...our honesty will only deepen our relationship)

There were a number of things that God revealed to me:

1.It's not my place to talk about someone else....their life, their situation, or what they are going through. This is something that can be done so innocently....through a concern....or even better yet...a prayer request. (Oh how spiritual we were!!! Or so we thought!) Yet now, God is dealing with my heart....that other's are HIS concern...NOT MINE!!!!

2. There were spiritual things that would take place when we were together...but I was TOO afraid (chicken) to say...*this isn't right*. You see.....I didn't want to risk offending this friend....correcting her...offending her....and possibly losing her. But through the hurt and healing God has done in my heart....I've been given a Holy boldness to speak God's truth so that others are not deceived, or lead astray.

3. Wounded people wound other people! This is a statement that I strongly believe in. I'm seeing first hand that a hurting person will mask there hurt, cover it up, appear to me *all put together*, super spiritual...and in the end...it's still just a mask. God's been teaching me to be real....honest.....and have integrite in all I do, and say.

4. Extend the olive branch. I went to my friend a few weeks ago, to pray with her. Regardless of how she received me approaching her...I found GREAT healing!! That day, God removed a heavy burden that was around my heart, and I've found healing.

5. My pain will either make me better, or make me bitter. I'm chosing better. On this journey I've been traveling, God has been using my deep, heavy pain, to minister to others.....and I'm amazed....at how God has stetched me....and deepened my love for him through the difficult times.

6. Love the person.....but don't accept the sin. This is possible to do...although at times...it may seem difficult!!! God requires me to LOVE others...and let him deal with the heart issues they carry.

No, my friendship will NEVER be the same with this gal as it once was....and I'm ok with that. For my relationship with her was based on wrong motives......and God allowed me to feel the hurt and pain......that often others feel when they are dejected, cut-off, talked about, and judged by *holier than thou* often well meaning church folks.

I now often see this friend..tucked off in the corner...whispering with a new friend....and my heart aches...as I remember those days...when it use to be she and I...and the conversations were those we should not have been having. Each time I see this, I'm convicted to pray....that God will speak to hearts...so that they will realize how hurtful and obvious these actions are.

God has been teaching me that just like he works on my heart...he's working on the hearts of others....and God doesn't need my assistance......but he does want me to pray!! I've realized that my thoughts...my opinions... and my judging...aren't right! You see...I don't see the heart...only God does.

I've drawn a line in the sand.....there's no going back......God took me through a VERY painful experience for me to see just how hurtful our words, our actions, and our judgements can be. God has been teaching me to have open, honest dialogue with those I have concerns or issues with. Or, better yet, build a relationship with them so I can truly understand their heart.

My heart as been at great peace this past month or so.....knowing that God has begun a great work in my heart....and he's continuing to do a great work. God has replaced my *opinions*..with a love in my heart for others realizing the humanness of people...and knowing that each of us have a cross to bare.


As I look back over this journey, I've seen the hand of God...and I now can rejoice knowing that God has spared my family. And for that...the pain I've experienced has been worth it all.

I'm not perfect...yet God has allowed me to experience a harsh reality...to realize....that my tongue is a powerful tool. Perhaps that's why God gave me one tongue and two ears. Perhaps he'd prefer that I listen twice...and talk once????

I haven't arrived...I'm not perfect...yet each day when I stumble, when I fall down and make a mistake, God is ALWAYS there...ready and willing to help me up, brush me off, and offer his forgiveness to my sinful heart!!

My prayer is that I'll be a Godly Woman who offer's encouragement, rather than being a tongue-wagger!!!