Where is your FAITH...when your world is RoCkEd?

The month of May holds many things, for many people. For some, perhaps it's a reminder that spring has finally sprung! For others, it's a reminder of a birth of a child, are the union of a marriage.

For me, May 1st is a reminder of the day our world was RoCkEd. I remember, as if it were yesterday, where I was sitting, what I was doing, and the conversation I was having with my husband when we received the call.

We've traveled many roads with my Dad the past 5 years. In 2003, he went in for a simple "balloon" procedure for his heart, and rather than a simple procedure, we were preparing for open heart surgery. I remember that phone call too, as if it were yesterday.

I remember how everything seemed to move in slow motion, as I made my way home from work, packed my bags, and got the house in order for my dh and Andrew as they were staying behind.

I remember the LONG....5 + hour drive home as Ashley and I tried to prepare ourselves for the road ahead.

The surgery was a success....the destination was reached. However, the journey is what will always remain in my heart. It was the journey of waiting, hoping, trust, believing that God would NOT lead us this far to leave us.

We had a happy ending, as my Dad recovered. At times it seemed slow, but nonetheless, he did.

Living in another state makes it difficult to see my parents as often as we'd like, so when we were able to travel home, I'd often notice that my Dad didn't look good. His color was always off. He of course, caulked it up to his open heart....he said he was "still recovering".

I would often tell my Mom that by 3 years post open heart, my Dad should be looking better. In fact, my Grandfather had open heart six months after my Dad, and my Grandfather's recovery seemed much quicker, and easier.

This brings us to 2006. I remember the call...I remember my Mom telling me that she had made an appointment for my Dad with his doctor as she had found a lump on neck. (Dad being Dad, later shared that he'd noticed these lumps for months...but just didn't say anything. :-)

The doctor's appointment revealed my Mom's worst fears. The doctor called my parents at home, had them both get on the phone and he said, "It's cancer." (Leading up to the doctor's appointment my Mom had found a number of lumps on my Dad, and her mind was running wild with thoughts of Cancer.)

There were few details that my Mom could share, as my parents were now "waiting". It would be close to two weeks before they would meet with the Cancer doctor to determine what our next steps would be.

For those of you who have dealt with cancer (or any other crisis) you know how difficult the waiting can be. The days were long...our minds wondered, and were full of many fears, worries, questions and doubts.

The night my Mom called to share the devasting news, the Lord gave Ashley this verse for us to cling to:
2 Chronicles: 20 15-17 (NLT)

15 He said: "Listen, King Jehoshaphat and all who live in Judah and Jerusalem! This is what the LORD says to you: 'Do not be afraid or discouraged because of this vast army. For the battle is not yours, but God's. 16 Tomorrow march down against them. They will be climbing up by the Pass of Ziz, and you will find them at the end of the gorge in the Desert of Jeruel. 17 You will not have to fight this battle. Take up your positions; stand firm and see the deliverance the LORD will give you, O Judah and Jerusalem. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Go out to face them tomorrow, and the LORD will be with you.' "

Ashley was dogmatic in her FAITH. Unwaving, unmoveable, as she beleived in her childlike FAITH that God WOULD DO what he told her he would do.

My Faith wasn't as strong....I wavered, I was allowing my thoughts and fears to move me...all over the board.

I remember having a conversation with my dh asking him how to handle what Ashley shared? What if she didn't hear the Lord? What if she was wrong? Would her faith and trust in the almighty forever be changed if her Grandpa WASN'T healed?

My dh encouraged me that we MUST hold fast to that which the Lord shared. So we did.

My Dad began his chemo treatment, and soon he was able to get on a three month cycle for his treatments. His counts each time continued to improve, and this past April, the doctors informed my parents that for now, my Dad will only need to return once every three months for blood work to check his counts. The doctors are hopefull that his counts will remain in the "safe zone", and we too are believing and trusting the Lord that they remain there as well.

We have NO guarentee's on this road to cancer that my Dad will not at some point, receive a set back. My Dad has CLL cancer for which there is NO cure.....we can simply only...try to treat it. BUT...we are guarenteed that our Savior, will walk this journey with us.

Cancer is truly an awful illness, and I'm sure theres not a person alive who hasn't been touched in one form or another by it's terrible grip. There is so much that cancer does.....but there is MORE that cancer cannot do:

What Cancer Can’t do

Cancer is so limited
It cannot cripple love
It cannot shatter hope
It cannot erode faith
It cannot eat away peace
It cannot destroy confidence
It cannot kill friendship
It cannot shut out memories
It cannot silence courage
It cannot invade the soul
It cannot reduce eternal life
It cannot quench the spirit
It cannot lesson the power of the resurrection

For now, we rest and rejoice that this cancer seems to be under control, resting knowing that God is with us through the bad news, as well as through the God news.

A dear friend of mine who lost her Mom to cancer emailed me these thoughts when we found out my Dad had cancer:

"you will see so many blessings during this journey you are on. Try not to focus on the cancer, but focus on what God's doing through this situation."

At the time I read those words, I didn't know how to respond to them......but today, I agree with those words. Each step we take, is a journey.....and God's asking me if I'm "willing" to look past my circumstances....and keep my eyes locked on him. I must choice..to trust his heart, when I cannot understand the direction his hand is leading me.

I must follow, close behind him....not running off ahead, or lagging behind...or running to the right or to the left.

God wants my heart....resting in his hand...and I know that as I do that, he will give me the strength I need....regardless of my circumstances.

Kim~