There's the grief in knowing Tim will not be here this year, and the sorrow of realizing that our holidays will never ----ever look the same.
Yet there is joy and happiness in remembering....remembering how God orchestrated our Christmas last year. Our family was blessed with the GIFT of 10 days together. We created so many fun memories and I'm in awe knowing that HE knew....and his plan was for us to all be together....one last time...before Tim passed away.
There's the sorrow of knowing my life has changed forever. But mixed in with the sorrow is a peace...and calm in knowing God's got this.
Then there's the joy and happiness in remembering the gift Tim was to my life. It's in my remembering I'm so thankful for the gift of 32 years with him.
I'm finding as I've walked the past few weeks leading up to Christmas I have more JOY, than grief. More HAPPINESS, than sorrow. Yes....I'm still grieving, and I feel much sorrow and lose, yet my heart feels so much peace, comfort and JOY. A knowing that although everything has changed...HE REMAINS!
I've been reading thru the book of Luke, one chapter a day and Luke 2:10 stood out to me in a profound way:
"But the angel said to them, "do not be afraid. I bring you good news that will cause great JOY for all the people."
God has brought the most amazing, good news thru the gift of his son Jesus. And it's been during this season, my heart has been so focused on this PERFECT gift...JESUS. For it's been in my seeking Jesus, and reflecting on him that great JOY has overshadowed grief and sorrow.
How can I be swallowed up in heavy grief and sorrow when I know Tim is spending his first Christmas in heaven with JESUS? As I listen to Christmas songs...my heart finds such comfort knowing Tim is worship Jesus face to face.....and I know he's SO excited to be with him in heaven.
Christmas will look different for us this year as we will not be together as a family...and there is a sting in that. Yet, I'm excited to be celebrating with the one's I love the most. And I'm SO thankful for my family helping me plan the Christmas season so I'm not alone. For those who have asked, I'll be flying to Charlotte, NC Dec. 19-22 - - - home with my church family for Sunday, Dec. 23rd - - - then flying to Green Bay, Wi to spend Christmas Eve with my parents/siblings/nieces/nephews -----back to Minneapolis Christmas Day to celebrate with Andrew and his family, and have family in town thru New Years.
In the midst of this hard season, I'm so thankful that I'm looking forward to Christmas...and celebrating the greatest gift of all....JESUS! For it's in his gift to us, I'm promised eternal life in heaven with JESUS and Tim one day!! AND...my greatest prayer is that JOY spills out of me......for the JOY of the LORD...has truly been my strength.
Praying each of you...regardless of the season you find yourself in, find peace, love and hope this Christmas! And....I'm looking forward, with great anticipation to the day we'll be reunited! Until then....like the words Mercy Me penned....I'm HOMESICK!
This is the first time I heard Homesick by Mercy Me. It is a beautiful song that I'm sure must deeply express your heart. Thank you for your encouragement.
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