Faith in the midst of the unknown

Today marks 16 days of 'social distancing' which has resulted in a lot of alone time, and as I've been navigating this season, with the continual spool of news....this pandemic has intensified so much within my own heart.

So many triggers - so many feelings rekindled - so many memories of what I experienced during my darkest night, which continue to bubble up to the surface.  Step by step, learning to adjust to the new cadence of living and being along, and then, this pandemic.  The current state of our world has magnified, and elevated the realization that I must navigate this season - - alone. And, in my aloneness, I've longed more than ever to have Tim  'sheltered in place' at home with me, yet knowing that's not possible. A continual reminder of what I've lost, longing for how it use to be, realizing that I'll need to push thru.......without him, his wisdom, his guidance and his reassurance.

Each of us, are grappling with our own fears and worry - and my heart has felt those same emotions - -  more time's than I'd care to admit. Such unsettledness in our world, and the constant news can quickly replace faith with fear. And each time my mind leads to fear and worry, my heart reminds me that HE is where my peace and faith are found.

As I sit and process all that's going on - when triggers want to consume me - when the whisper in my ear continues to remind me I'm alone - I'm thankful that my heart continues to be drawn to the word of God to find my comfort & hope.  This past week I've been meditating on: Isaiah 43:1-3 which says,

"do not fear, for I have redeemed you, I have called you by name, you are mine.  When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I AM the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel."

God's word promises that I will pass through, although, sometimes when I face a trial, the unknown - I may have to set up camp and sit and stay awhile; I'm learning that in my waiting - I will persevere- and I do not have to submit to 'fear' because wherever I go - HE has gone before me.  God's faithfulness in my past, has been my greatest comfort, knowing that he saw me thru the loss of Tim - the greatest heartache imagined - and if he could bring me thru my darkest night - he can bring me thru anything.

Worry and fear affect each and everyone of us in different ways, and no two people will experience it the same. For me personally, when worry and fear creep in, when I feel isolated, alone, stressed, worried...etc....here are a few things I continue to be intentional about doing:

1. reach out to someone who you know will pray with you. I'm not talking about a 'token' prayer - but someone in whom you know can breathe God's comfort into your weary heart. We all have those times when we need encouragement from others.  Find those people - you need them.

2. be an encouragement to someone else in need. Often, when we feel we have the greatest need, serving others is a great perspective changer.

3. turn off the noise - stop watching and listening to the news (yes we need to be informed - but we need to  guard our hearts from the constant feeds that scream fear and worry) continually.

4. when worry and fear seem to over take you - shift your mind to focus on the promises found in God's word.  Fear is an uninvited guest in our mind - and we have the choice to let fear '' in  - or replace fear with faith.

I know God longs to cover me with his-
-peace
-comfort
-joy

and when I meditate on and spend time in God's presence through worship, the word and prayer - pain, worry, fear, sickness, weariness, depression....etc...have no place.  For in HIM - and in his presence I can find rest and everything I need.

I'm learning to be intentional with shifting my thoughts from the unknown - onto what I do know.  God knows my beginning from my end - he knows every hair on my heart- and he has an abundant plan for me.

During this time of social distancing, I believe God wants to use this time to reset and grow me.  I'm continually asking him to lead me into a new season of rest, seeking him and his heart in a deeper way, having the assurance that his plans for me are good. I don't want to waste these days longing to return to what I think and feel is normal.  And I'm learning that often before God can lead me into something new - he has to disrupt my normal.  I continue to remind myself that God is already in my tomorrows...he goes before me....he's behind me....he's within me...and he's all around me.  He simply longs for me to lean into him - walk in faith knowing that he's going ahead of me, making a way, where there seems to be no way.


I continue to reminder myself that nothing EVER catches God by surprised, nor is he up in heaven trying to figure out what he should do.  Instead - he has a perfect sovereign plan - and everything is as it should be.

And, as I 'remember' all that he's done, I also find great comfort in words penned by Tim.  Praying, they comfort you as well:

"Dear God of all comfort, help me to remember that there is a loving purpose behind every problem that you allow in my life.  Teach me to respond to my difficulties the way Jesus would.  Cultivate my character through the circumstances of life.  Help me to trust your purpose....even in my pain." October 2005