Picking up the shattered pieces, and turning them into peace

It's been 6 months since I've moved to Texas and 929 days of walking in and through unimaginable change, yet in the process growth that continually propels me towards healing, and learning to live from a posture of surrender.

As I stood on the shores of 2020, I felt the Lord calling me to a year of REST. Although I didn’t know how or what that would look like I felt in my spirit that 10 days in Maui would be pivotal in quieting my heart as I leaned in to hear his voice. 

By the end of January I felt the Holy Spirit confirming that he was calling me away from my church in MN. My church and many within her walls had been a rock during my grief journey; and although I didn’t know how that would look, or where he would send me, I tucked those words in my heart and began to seek the Lord for direction.

As I headed Into April I was furloughed from my job a day after I shared with a precious friend that I WISHED I would be furloughed to have necessary time for rest and deeper healing. God answered. :-)

I then began to experience more rest and healing as I traveled and spent time with my parents in WI and with both of my kids and their families for 3 weeks in Charlotte. 

As June was coming to a close, Andrew and Rachel felt the pieces were coming together for them to follow the Lords call to move to Fort Worth, and since I had nothing tying me to Minneapolis I packed up 25 years of life and decided to move with them.

Walking into the fall, I continue to lean into HIM as I was navigating a new city, no job, no friends, and needing to find a home church.

And, just like God always does, he moved in ways that proved his plans were undeniable.  He opened a door for an amazing job and working with a boss that I simply LOVE.  He lead me to the most amazing church family, that has been so instrumental in my spiritual growth, and I’m slowly meeting people and feeling like this is home.

A season of REST......not doing….but simply sitting and being in his presence. 

As the holidays approached, they honestly were the hardest I’ve had to navigate so far.  Perhaps it was because the shock had worn off and I’m now living in a new reality?  Perhaps it was because everything in my life had changed, and nothing remained the same, and everything seemed so unfamiliar?(Except for my AMAZING family) Or, perhaps it was so the Lord could continue to do a deep healing work in my heart?

Often, throughout the past 2 1/2 years there have been times when I’ve felt I’ve carried a spirit of heaviness like a cloak around my neck.  Some days, I've felt so consumed by it yet I easily hid behind my smile not wanting to burden anyone with the heaviness of my grief, because let's face it, we as a society do not know how to walk along side of the grieving.

As I walked into 2021, my spirit felt that the Lord was preparing me for a new season.  I intentionally joined my church family on a 21 day fast, believing that this year would be a year of the  ‘supernatural’ in my life, and I’ve already seen the Lord move in amazing ways.  In ways that only he could and his peace that passeth ALL understanding has been so comforting to me, and I no longer feel or carry grief and it’s heaviness like a cloak. Yes, I still miss Tim, but my grief has shifted and I’m finding joy and hope even in the midst of loss.

As I reflect on the Lords continual faithfulness I'm often taken back to a passage found in Genesis 45:7-9 which says, 

‘For it was God who sent me here.”

I know…that I know…that I know…..that God’s perfect, sovereign plan sent me and called me to become a widow on July 12, 2018 at the age of 49.  Although this isn’t the plan I had for my life, I continue to see God’s comfort, peace, joy and promises unfolding and with each step I take he continues to shift my prayers from: 

‘Please, Lord, shield me from every trial, and protect me from pain - - -  and I now pray:

“Lord, allow whatever dreams to shatter that will release my heart to meet yours, that will empower me to REST in your love, and sovereign plan, no matter the cost or how empty and desperate I may feel; and please reveal the beauty of your life to me and through me.”

Happiness and Sorrow run so very deep and wide, yet HOPE continues to carry me knowing that he’s proven himself FAITHFUL to me each step, and he will never leave me, nor allow anything in my life that won’t make me more and more into his image.

As I look at the shattered pieces of my life, I continue to see my sweet Jesus picking up each precious piece, and creating amazing ‘peace’ within my heart.

The Lord has truly shifted my mourning into dancing, and my eyes are fixed on him, RESTING in his promise to rebuild beautiful in and through my life.

#onedayclosertoeternity