Seasons

 Grief continues to be a great teacher in my life.  At times, she's gentle - offering sweet memories and treasured moments that bring comfort to my heart and tears of happier times.  Then at times, she's harsh and relenting with the heavy blows that crash into me, leaving me breathless navigating gut wrenchingly hard tears that leave me feeling as though I may never live to tell of her story of survival.

Grief, quickly drove me into a winter season - a season of death where life as I once knew it, was gone and with it, came devastation in ways I never knew.  As I continue to navigate loss I've studied and reflected on the seasons of life and how they parallel with the seasons of nature, and in it,  I've found great comfort.  

During the winter season, trees go through a process called dormancy, which is a period of time when their growth and development stops.  Temporarily.  A trees metabolism slows down significantly and this helps the tree to conserve more energy for the colder winter months ahead. Water becomes a scarce resource, and although the tree is dormant - they are in a resting phase with essential life processes continuing at a minimal rate.

During winter, the trees roots are resting and this season is extremely important for the health of the tree.  In this resting season, the tree is preparing for spring - where seeds are being produced. 

Grief - so closely parallel's the harsh winter season in nature.  When death hit, everything stopped. I could only focus on the next step - the next thing I had to do.  Like a tree, I felt like my life was dormant - and I thought my life was over.  Growing and moving forward were words I simply could not wrap my head around.  Yet in this season, the Lord continued to provide his living waters to nourish my parched soul. Unlike the tree, HIS living water wasn't a scarce resource - it was my only resource!

As I've pressed into him...year one...year two...year three and as I walk into year four I'm beginning to see and feel spring as buds of new life beginning to grow.  I find myself walking in and with more joy, peace and contentment. Yet, I'm not naive to know that just like the transition from winter to spring still blows in days where winter reappears and tries to wipe out all of the spring growth the ebbs and flows of grief do the same.

Yet, as I'm beginning to see and walk in the promises of spring, Jesus continues to be so tender and kind with my heart.  Hopes and dreams are being birthed  - things I never would have anticipated dreaming about 3 years ago are now things I'm processing and working through. Yet, in my dreaming he continues to woo me with this thought:

"Kim, place every hope & dream into my hands for in your obedience, I will bless you with something even greater.  When you willingly give up what you want and it feels hard and like a sacrifice, and the waiting seems long - know that it won't compare to the joy of what I will give you in exchange.  I've placed these hopes and dreams within you, so rest in me and watch me move.  And in your waiting, I long to draw you close to me so that your devotion to me is rewarded with things that are above and beyond what your heart desires.  I promise, that as you press into me, you will experience my presence is such a tangible way that you will not be distracted by what the world says you should chase after, and you will be surprised and in awe of my goodness and my faithfulness when I show up."