It’s hard to grieve…when you are rejoicing
It’s hard to feel sad…when you are happy
It’s hard to feel hopeless…when you are filled with such hope
It’s hard to feel lonely…when I know you are with Jesus
Over the past 5 months as I’ve spent MUCH time with Jesus and his word….my heart has found SO much comfort. For it’s in my seeking and spending time with him I feel so close to you, and I'm clinging to his promise that one day we'll be worshipping him together...in heaven, and my heart finds such great hope in that promise.
Until then, I’ll continue to chase hard after Jesus..knowing that he has amazing plans for me, and I'm living out the words you often spoke over us...over me. Our/my latter days WILL be greater than our/my former. You are experiencing that promise right now, seeing Jesus face to face, and my mind cannot comprehend what that is like. You are with the Son of God...the Prince of Peace celebrating him face to face. And, I'm standing firm in the knowing that Jesus is creating a redemption story out of my life turning my ashes into beauty.
Since you've been gone, I'm must more in tune to those special "God moments", where he pricks my heart.....and I no longer brush them off, but rather I act on them. Last week I stopped at Starbucks to grab a holiday drink, and while I was in the drive thru I felt I should pay for the car behind me. I looked in my rearview mirror and there was no one there, but as I pulled up to the widow, I saw a car pull in behind me so I asked the barista to add their order to my bill. She quickly said, oh no you might not want to do that because they ordered more than one drink. I said, no it was fine and that I wanted to pay for it.
I picked up my coffee, and my receipt and in that moment, I felt the Lord say....'I see you...trust me...and listen for my voice. As I drove off I glanced at the receipt and this cute couple ordered 2 coffees, exactly like you did, and 2 pieces of your favorite Starbucks bread. I was in awe that in that simple act of obedience, God gave me such a sweet reminder of you!! And it's in these moments, my heart finds so much comfort knowing that Jesus sees me, loves me, and he cares SO very much for me.
You are ever in my thoughts during this Christmas season as I see you EVERYWHERE! You are in the twinkle in Jacks eye as he chases me with snowballs, and I hear you in Aviyah's voice as she acts goofy and sings, Run..Run...Rudolph. You are in the joy we are experiencing as we anticipate Christmas as you loved all that Christmas held! And mostly, I find you in my memories...in the still quit moments when I sit and reflect on you...on us---and I remember.....and it's in my remembering I chose to wipe my tears, shift my thoughts, and use my grief to minister to someone in need. I've found when I take the focus off of me.....and what I've lost, I find great joy in serving as I know that there are so many going thru much harder, horrible things that I am.
As I walk thru the weeks and days leading up to Christmas, my heart is looking for the God moments. For it's in my seeking him, he's making me so aware of the needs around me, and it's difficult to sit/stay in my grief. And I'm so thankful that I can rest in the knowing that you are with the Son of God....celebrating HIM around his throne this year.
I'll love you for always.....and I'll miss you forever.....and I'm so THANKFUL that you are with the one we are Celebrating!!!
Praying this song brings hope this Christmas season if you are dealing with loss. Click the below link:
