through the eye of a child

I've been so thankful for the 'gift' of having 6 precious little grandchildren who have made this journey thru grief somewhat bearable. Their questions about Papa, their sweet little thoughts, comments and love have been healing balm to my heart and soul.  We as adults could learn SO much from children, so I'm working on a blog post about the do's and don'ts (from my perspective) of walking thru grief with those we love.......since I now have experience in this arena.

My grandchildren have given me the 'gift' of remembering Tim, and it's thru their remembering the legacy of Tim will continue for generations to come.

Aviyah is 5
Jack (or Jack Hammer as Papa called him) is 3 1/2
Norah is 3
Ellie is 2
Judah is 9 months old
and Eva- is 5 months old

They each see Jesus and heaven in such a beautiful way; and it's thru their simple childlike faith they have a knowing and an understanding that Papa is with Jesus, he's happy, whole and celebrating in unimaginable ways.

They each miss Papa in they own sweet little ways, and they talk about him with such joy and happiness. Their childlike faith doesn't seem to have the capacity to mourn, or grief for their Papa like I do, instead they simply believe, and trust Jesus.

During my FaceTime moments with Ashley's girls I often catch my breathe as the girls talk so freely about their Papa, and how much they love and miss him.  Recently during a conversations Aviyah said,

'nana, I want to play a song for you'

off she ran to grab her iPad and she searched for a song she remembered hearing at Tim's celebration service.  As she played the song, she sang along at the top of her lungs while she ran to the window, threw open the blinds and began waving at the sky.....because Papa's in heaven nana, with Jesus.  Yes he is Aviyah...yes he is.

This week Norah asked me if Papa could come back now, because she really misses him and she wanted us to come to NC for a visit.  Norah was 3 months shy of being 3 years old when Tim passed away and I'm amazed at how she's processing this, with wonder and faith.

Then there is sweet little Judah. I so cherish our memories of visiting Charlotte just 6 weeks before Tim left us. Tim was so excited to meet Judah.  Tim had a sweet spot for the granddaughters...but he was SO excited to have a second grandsons, knowing that one day Judah might love music like his daddy and his Papa....

Sweet little Eva is the only grandchild that did not experience the 'gift' of meeting her Papa this side of heaven.  Yet in God's perfect timing sweet Eva Hope Edwin was born 1 month to the day of Tims passing.  Only God could have orchestrate that...and it truly is a gift.  And, although she's not met Tim, she carries his middle name as part of hers.

Ellie was weeks shy of turning 2 when Tim passed away, yet her sweet, strong, determined, hand on her hip personality sparkles when she talks about her Papa.  And each time I ask her,

'who's girl are you Ellie??

with a twinkle in her eye...she says, I'm Papa's girl Nana! Yes you are Ellie-bug!

Jack---he was 3 years and 3 months old when Tim passed away.  He has walked this road of grief along side of me and he's truly been a gift during this season.  Jesus in his tender mercies, planned and orchestrated that our precious Jackson Andrew would be born on Tim's 53rd birthday; April 4th, 2015. Tim was beside himself the day Jack was born, and now, looking back I SO see God's perfect plan in all of this.  Jack truly was Papa's little buddy. They would play together by the hours, and Tim had such amazing patience with all of the toddler questions.

As we've walked each month since losing Tim, Jack has spend a number of sleepovers with me and these sleepovers are truly sacred times to my heart as Jack spends hours asking me questions and talking about Papa.  Jack has a tender, caring compassionate heart like his Papa, and his daddy, and he's so concerned that Nana now has to live along....and he's quick to tell me, "I'll come stay with you for 5 sleep overs Nana!!"

At times I've been amazed by what he knows, what he's heard, all the while we thought we were keeping details from little listening ears.  He's asked me such deep, profound questions, that have caused me to carefully craft my response wanting to be truthful, but cautious in how an almost 4 year old might process such heavy details.  I've also been amazed at the stories he will recount that he had with Papa 2 years ago and he recites them as if they happened last week.  What a gift Jack has been given as he remembers special memories of and with his Papa, that's he's tucked away in his little heart......forever!

For months Jack would repeatedly tell all of us, "I'm gonna love Jesus with all my heart so one day I can see Papa again."  And each time he'd say this my heart would ache as it carried the reminder that this precious little boy, and all of our grandchildren would grow up in a world without their Papa who was such an anchor of faith in our family; and it stung my heart knowing he would miss out on SO much life we'd live without him here.

A few weeks ago Andrew and Rachel told me that during Jack's bedtime routine he asked Jesus to come into his heart and to forgive him of all of his sins. My heart so rejoiced in Jack's simply, childlike decision, sealing his eternal hope, and he understood that one day, he'd see Jesus and Papa.

As I settled in for the night after hearing this news, I felt Jesus whisper to my heart, "Kim, Tim will see the salvation of each of his grandchildren from the portals of heaven, and he will be rejoicing with all the saints in heaven. Luke 15:10.  And in that moment, my heart found great comfort in knowing that the most important decision our grandchildren will ever make, Tim will witness and he will be rejoicing in heaven, knowing that they've made the decision to chase hard after Jesus, and in this decision made, they will spend eternity in heaven.

What a gift....to know that we have the promise of eternal life with Jesus forever if we simply ask him into our hearts and lives and ask for forgiveness from sin.  And like Tim...because of God's promise...I will spend eternity with JESUS!! It's Gods promise....and a day we are all looking forward too!

This song was played at Tim's Celebration of Life service, and it holds the powerful promise, knowing that my last breathe here...will be my first with JESUS!!! (click the below link to listen)

Tears of Joy