mile marker ----7

I've walked 187 days since:

• I kissed your good-bye 
• whispered in your ear that it was ok to go....and that I'd be ok
• held your hand as it slipped from mine, into eternity
• watched you take your last breathe
• stood with our children and my parents as we watched you slip into eternity
• wept, sang, prayed and rejoiced all at the same time for the precious gift you are
• walked down that long ICU hallway for the last time knowing I'd never see you again this side of heaven

My heart is so thankful for sweet....sweet...memories....

• all the nights you'd bring home my favorite treats...just because
• spending Saturday nights watching all of our favorite programs we recorded during the week
• our Friday night dates....every week
• Saturday Starbuck runs
• your sense of humor....the way you'd tease me and how you made me laugh like no other
• the way I'd catch your eye in a crowd, and you'd give me that cute little wink
• your handwritten notes that you'd leave for me....reminding me of how much I was loved

I've missed you in so many ways.....

• our late night pillow talks---every night
• holding my hand as we'd fall asleep
• how you poured such wisdom into my heart and helped me process so many things
• daily hearing you tell me how beautiful I was and that you were the lucky one
• your prayers for me...each morning before I left for work, and each night before I'd fall asleep
• waking up....and finding you next to me
• your hugs...

As each month turns into a new mile marker, the reality of my loss becomes more real.  And it's been during these months Jesus continues to tenderly reveal such truths to my heart....

• HE is faithful-he never stops working on my behalf
• HE is gracious-he provides my every need
• HE is wise-what he does is always best
• HE is sovereign-his plan is perfect for my life
• HE is powerful-his ways are highter than mine
• HE is loving-he always has my best interests at heart

Phil 1:6----'he who began a good work in me WILL bring it to completion.'

I've learned....

• you don't begin to live...until you've lost something SO important--I now look at life so differently
• I often don't know what to do....but I know who to go to....
• every acceptance of HIS will becomes an altar of sacrifice, and every such surrender and abandonment of myself to his will is a means of furthering me on the way to the high places to which he desires to bring every child of his while they are still living on earth.
• as hard as it is....I daily continue to find Jesus...in the waiting.  Waiting is NOT easy...but it is necessary
• my difficulties today...will one day be easer to carry
• his mercies are new every morning...and after a long hard day...I'm thankful for this reminder
• grief is like the tide...it often comes in waves of extreme heaviness...and then as quickly as it overtakes, it recedes

As I begin to walk towards the next mile marker, I'm standing on his promise that he's not done with me. I'm resting in the  knowing that he has a perfect plan, and his promises remain and are true for me. And...I'm going to be OK.....

(to hear the song...click the link below)

Your Gonna Be Ok

I know it's all you've got to just be strong

And it's a fight just to keep it together

I know you think that you are too far gone

But hope is never lost

Hope is never lost

Hold on, don't let go

Hold on, don't let go

Just take one step closer

Put one foot in front of the other

You'll get through this

Just follow the light in the darkness

You're gonna be ok

I know your heart is heavy from those nights

But just remember that you are a fighter

You never know just what tomorrow holds

And you're stronger than you know

You're stronger than you know

Hold on, don't let go

Hold on, don't let go

Just take one step closer

Put one foot in front of the other

You'll get through this

Just follow the light in the darkness

You're gonna be ok

Just take one step closer

Put one…