the in-between....

The in-between Jesus' death on Good Friday and his resurrection Easter Sunday holds much meaning to my heart this year - - far more than any other I've experienced.

I've grieved, rejoiced, celebrated and mourned ALL that Jesus did during those 3 days.  Parallels of those 3 days -- and what they represent have helped me to continue walking thru and processing my own grief - -  the in-between - - the day Tim died, and Jesus' second coming.

As I've read and studied the word a few thoughts have stood out to me in a new, fresh profound way:

Jesus' death on Good Friday brought enormous loss, loneliness and a questioning for those who loved, served and followed him.  Their hope died - - they cried - - they were broken with much despair - - they were full of worry, fear and excruciating grief in the hours that followed Jesus' death.  

The past 9 months my heart has felt great loss and sorrow as I continue navigating loss.  I've questioned, wondered - - even in the midst of knowing God is sovereign. Much brokenness, despair and excruciating pain and grief have been felt and experienced.  Death is final - - yet in the midst of hardship - - I have a promise - - a hope - -  and this hope was given freely thru Jesus' death on the cross.

Then there was the example Jesus displayed on the cross.  As he hung, soon to die - -some of his final thoughts were towards his Mother Mary.  She'd lost much.   In the midst of his own pain and anguish - - Jesus' focus was on a widow - - his Mother - - and he provided a promise that she'd be cared for.  (John 19:25-27)

When Jesus hung on that cross - - each and everyone of us were on his mind - - he gave freely of himself so we could be free. As Jesus looked into the eyes of his mother Mary - - with deep compassion -- love --concern for her as a widow - - he saw me and his promise was extended not only to Mary, but to me, and to every woman who faces the road of widowhood.  His promise would be fulfilled  - - he understood -- he protects - - he provides -- and cares in miraculous, powerful ways, that reveal blessings that can only come from HIM.

Then there was Mary, the Mother of Jesus. As she watched her son being crucified...she stood! She remained! She displayed enormous courage, in the face of one of the most difficult things one could experience in life - - the loss of a child. (John 19:25)

What an example Mary is to me of her STANDING in the midst of such loss with enormous COURAGE! In her grief she didn't run -- she didn't hide -- she didn't turn her back on Jesus, but she STOOD with her eyes fixed on her savior knowing this stance, would carry her thru.

My prayer has been and continues to be - - that in my darkest moments - - in the depth of my grief -- in my seeking -- in my questioning -- in my day to day people see Jesus in and thru me.  I chose to stand on the promises of God's word - - which promises me that in the midst of excruciating, deep loss and pain - - he remains.

After Jesus' death he was put in the tomb and Mary Magdalene and Mary Jesus' Mother were preparing spices and ointments to anoint his body.  When they had finished their preparations, it was now the Sabbath (Saturday) so they rested - - which was required by law. (Luke 24:55-56)

The in-between

 - - Good Friday and Easter Sunday - -

The in-between 

- - the hard, the choosing, the pressing, the waiting, the resting, all part of the process - -

Navigated my in-between finds me 'resting'.  Resting has been so pivotal to my journey and my process of moving from death to my eternal promise fulfilled.  Not only physically resting - - but emotionally and spiritually. For it's in my resting -- Jesus can do the hard, most important work in me.  It's in my resting, Jesus is able to reveal himself and his plan to me in ways I otherwise could never know or understand. Resting requires of me to simply - -  be.  Not trying to figure out God's plan - - rather a deep knowing he's working on my behalf.

I'm walking out the in-between of my darkest day -- losing Tim -- and my greatest hope - - Jesus returning and taking me home to heaven for all of eternity.  It's in the in-between -- grief must be processed -- life must be lived -- new dreams must be stirred -- hope for my future must be birthed -- and I must continually keeping my eye fixed on Jesus -- knowing and resting in the understanding that he goes before me, and that their is GREAT purpose in his pain.

As I reflect on Mary and Mary Magdalene - - they displayed such an amazing example -- a legacy of faith -- they endured -- they didn't give up -- and Jesus proved himself FAITHFUL -- and his faithfulness is promised to me.

The in-between at times seems grueling -- hard -- lonely -- sad -- and some days simply unbearable and unimaginable. Yet, in the midst of the hard -- Jesus stands with out stretched nail scared hands asking that I trust his plan -- even when I cannot see what his promise for my temporal future looks like.  It's in the in-between -- an amazing plan will unfold for my life -- when and if I allow HIM to complete the work he's started in me.

5. Then came Sunday - Mary Magdalene went to the tomb and found the stone rolled away - - and Jesus was no longer there.  Resurrection.

Rejoicing that his promise was fulfilled. Resurrection -- eternity forever.  This earthly life is a short passage to my forever home -- and with each passing day, I long for eternity in a deeper -- more powerful, profound way.  Death puts life into perspective - - and my view of Jesus - - heaven - - promise fulfilled has stirred much in my heart as I anticipate with great JOY the day we are reunited forever. What a promise that our greatest hope of heaven and  eternity - -  WILL be our reality - - one day soon!

Daily, I continue to stand at the gate -- eye's fixed towards heaven KNOWING that one day -- Jesus will split the eastern sky and return to take me home. My heart rejoices and is so THANKFUL for the promise and gift of eternity. And, while I wait - - during my in-between - - I will not give up - - I will continue to press into him - - seeking him as he leads, guides and directs my every step.  Knowing that he WILL turn the ashes of my life - - into something beautiful.

To hear the song, click the link:

Beauty For Ashes

God of the new beginnings

God of the second chance

Your grace an endless river

Your love an avalanche

There in my darkest moment

All hope burnt to the ground

That's where Your mercy found me

That's when Your love came down

You turned my mourning into dancing

You turned my sorrow into praise

You give me beauty for ashes,

Beauty for ashes

You give me beauty for ashes,

Beauty for ashes.

Love met me in the ruins

Of all my past mistakes

Love walked me to the river

Love broke apart these chains

Love spoke a new tomorrow

Opened my eyes to see

Love washed away this sadness

Love came and rescued me

You turned my mourning into dancing

You turned my sorrow into praise

Oh You give me

The God Who Sees.......

Today, marks 9 months/274 days since I've said good-bye.  Somedays it seems as thou you've been gone --- forever, other's ---like it was just yesterday that I held your hand and kissed your cheek for the last time. Then there are moments when I think of you and my heart has a knowing -- a longing --- a sweet, gentle reminder that I'm one day closer to eternity, and that thought brings much joy and comfort to my heart.

As we enter the Palm Sunday weekend, followed by Good Friday and Easter my heart has been so in-tune with the path Jesus walked, knowing that he would be giving up his life - - in order for you and I to have eternal life so that we could truly live. What a gift....the gift of his shed blood  'sealing' our eternity thru the gift of salvation. And thru Jesus' great sacrifice, I find  such comfort knowing that Tim's greatest hope...is now his reality and he will be celebrating his 1st Easter with Jesus rejoicing in HIS presence.

Walking these past months God has tenderly been speaking to and working in my heart reminding me....that HE knows --  HE understands -- and HE cares better than anyone the pain, agony, depth of loss, grief and sadness I'm feeling and walking thru, as HE gave his only son--Jesus. I've experienced a shift in my heart each time I take communion having a deeper level of understanding of what Jesus' death on the cross completed for me.  His body --- his blood -----such a sacred, holy, powerful gift.

Trying to image what the disciples, Mary Jesus' mother and Mary Magdalene experienced -- thru their heartache and despair...as Jesus carried the cross and then died----has caused me much brokenness and thankfulness as I process his sacrifice. His gift --- His promise --- His hope --- his reminder that he's making a way for me not only IN my wilderness and brokenness - -  but thru them.

Elisabeth Elliot said,

"---the deepest spiritual lessons are not learned by his letting us have our way in the end, but by his making us wait, bearing with us in love and patience until we are able to honestly pray what he taught his disciples to pray: Thy will be done."

In the deep valleys, and season I'm walking thru...my heart firmly says,  'Thy will be done!" In my stance I declare that I'll choose God's will to be done in and thru me  EVERY TIME----for I truly stand on his promises that he has a perfect plan for me -----Tim's passing away was not a mistake ----- but part of HIS sovereign plan ----- from the beginning of time - - and I must lay down any thought that says, if only I had more faith--or if only I had prayed more - - God would have spared his life.  God has and will always have the final say, and I MUST rest and trust in his perfect plan.

The song--- The God Who Sees has been healing balm to me as the lyrics walk thru the story of many in the Bible. Thru each of their wilderness experience, it brought them to their knees....and in the depth of their pain, God met them and lifted them up --- leading them to their next. Their hardships were all part of God's plan, not to destroy them, BUT to birth a promise --- a new beginning and the perfect plan ultimately lead them each to the Promise Land -- to Jesus. And the promise he had for them ---- is the same promise he has for each of us.

What a great examples to read and know that the God of Hargar, Ruth, David and Mary Magdalene - - - is the same God who sees you and I.  He cares about the wilderness we each find ourselves in, and HE promises that our journey will not destroy us - - - but- - -  will lead us to Jesus.  God's asking each of us, to leave our despair and press into him, because he has a perfect plan -- that is good. (click the link below to watch the video)

My prayer continues to be -- Jesus, even though at times I cannot see what's up ahead or around the next corner----- I will stand with and in faith and I will not cease to believe that you are good; that you are moving and that you are making a way and holding me up.  

You are more than enough for me...because....

You are the God who see's.........ME.